More from Dr. Beth Grant
Let's use money/possessions as an example to illustrate the difference between the two cultures. In an I-Self culture, the individual makes his decisions alone and carries the weight of those decisions, as well. In early childhood, we start giving kids money (my three year old niece commented on Saturday at her cousin’s birthday party, “I like the presents with dollars in them.”). We tell kids that they can buy what they want with “their” money, giving the decision-making control to the child. As kids age, they branch out with “their” money to get bigger things, perhaps their first car. It is solely theirs, if they paid with “their” money. Neither the child nor the parents sees it as a “family car.” Now, let’s say that the car needs new tires; who is responsible to pay for them? Most parents, when approached, are going to say, “That’s your car.” We expect our children to take the responsibility to work for their needs, not ask for handouts. Our society makes it very difficult to demand help from others; it goes against the idea of independence and individual responsibility. So, as Dr. Beth Grant said, “I learned from a young age, that if I have to ask for help, I should do so apologetically and conservatively.” Ask for the least that someone can do, and do it with an air of uncomfortable awkwardness.
In a We-self culture, money and possessions are not individually owned; the group owns and shares what each person needs. As a young Arab student once told me, “What my father owns is mine; if I need something, he’ll provide it if he is able.” She was responsible to share with her extended family whatever she could contribute, as well. In a culture like that, there is no shame in asking for what you need. If there is a rich uncle, he knows that every family member will have their hand out with needs. If he’s got what can help them, he would never withhold it. They regard the relationship more valuable than the sum of money in question. Often in foreign countries, the churches will approach missionaries with requests for huge amounts of money for needs in their impoverished countries. The missionaries are shocked by the audacity of the churches; the foreign Christians simply think, “You have the money in your country, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ.”
In a We-self culture, money and possessions are not individually owned; the group owns and shares what each person needs. As a young Arab student once told me, “What my father owns is mine; if I need something, he’ll provide it if he is able.” She was responsible to share with her extended family whatever she could contribute, as well. In a culture like that, there is no shame in asking for what you need. If there is a rich uncle, he knows that every family member will have their hand out with needs. If he’s got what can help them, he would never withhold it. They regard the relationship more valuable than the sum of money in question. Often in foreign countries, the churches will approach missionaries with requests for huge amounts of money for needs in their impoverished countries. The missionaries are shocked by the audacity of the churches; the foreign Christians simply think, “You have the money in your country, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ.”
To wrap up, the spiritual application applies to prayer. When I-self culture Christians pray, they tend to work first to get the answer they need, and only after that, to ask for what they need with that air of nervous uncertainty; they also ask with conservative expectations. “God, give us some new visitors in church this week.” The We-Self culture Christians bust the doors off heaven with their confidence. Their Father who owns all things will give them everything they need! Their prayers sound more like, “God, give us the nations!”