Day 13/Psalm 13

Here we are on DAY THIRTEEN of the Madrid lockdown for the Coronavirus. We’ve almost made it through the initial two weeks that they declared for the “State of Alarm” in Spain. But of course, yesterday they announced that Parliament had officially approved the lockdown for TWO MORE WEEKS. We all knew it was likely, but hearing the news officially, as well as hearing the list of additional, stricter measures the police will be taking, was a little disheartening.

If you’ve been following my social media feeds, I’ve been doing updates each day, and yesterday was my favorite so far: my roommate and I made a silly video of us singing our own version of the “The TWELVE days of LOCKDOWN” and it went viral. Well, viral for someone like me, haha. It got views and shares and most importantly LAUGHS. We laughed a lot making it. We laughed writing it, then performing it, and then cracked up even more every time we watched ourselves on our screens. And about 90% of this quarantine so far has been exactly what that video depicts: my roommate and I, in our yoga pants, having a grand ol’ time while we clean the house, do work via Zoom meetings, and stay active and engaged with everyone via the internet.

But the other 10% of the time….well…

The other 10% of the time is being grouchy. It’s lying in bed in the morning, knowing today stretches out ahead of me full of hours to fill with the same things I did yesterday. It’s hiding my tears of frustration or despair, because they don’t help, and I’m ashamed of my own weakness. During that 10% I have to deal with the emotions that don’t lead to laughing and dancing around my apartment.

I was joking with my roommate the other day, by collapsing dramatically onto the couch, wailing “How long, O Lord?” in a parody of David’s psalm. But then I decided to look up the psalm I was quoting and actually read it. And it really blessed me. It touched down into the 10% of me that wants to wail on the couch for real in my my own little pity party. And here’s why:

David starts out with the emotions he feels, too. In the midst of his frustrations and despair, he cries out to God with everything I feel right now, too: I’m tired of this! I’m tired of feeling cut off. I’m tired of feeling disconnected from God and everybody else. I’m tired of feeling sorrow and getting more bad news every day. I’m tired of feeling like we’re losing ground here in Madrid, against this disease and our own weakness.

But David has a key secret to his despair; he says it all to GOD. He doesn’t say it all to every friend he knows. He doesn’t air his frustrations to the public. He prays it all out to GOD. It’s the best choice because He’s the only one who can change it! And David asks God to change his circumstances. He asks for light, for understanding, for encouragement and hope.

I love how David’s pattern in psalm after psalm is to start off with his feelings —and David had ALL.THE.FEELINGS. But after a few verses of his pain, he always works himself around to praise. He gets out all the angst and then finds some reason to worship. BUT I TRUST.

So, yeah. I’m not giggling or dancing around this quarantine all day every day. Yes, I’ve got the moments where I’m asking “How long, O Lord?” but I trust in God’s salvation. And those few moments of grief or grouchiness never last long because I DO trust, and I live personally the realization that God has been GOOD to me.

I’m in an apartment where half my neighbors are coworkers/friends. I live next door to the church, for pete’s sake. I’ve got a lovely home full of books, music, high speed internet, and FOOD. I’ve got plants blooming daily in my windows blessed with sunshine, and those are just the temporal blessings. I’ve got the richness of His grace, the roots of His love, and the ROCK on which I stand.

I can face anything when I know what I’ve got in God. He’s so good to me—no lockdown, no quarantine, no virus can ever take that away from me.